Whenever I fall in love with a pretty girl, she usually tells me that she wants to be friends. In one particularly smarmy example of this, a woman actually gave me a short lecture on how much more important friendship is than a serious relationship. “You might not understand this,” she said in an instructive tone of voice, “but I have had relationships and I know that friendship is better.” Nice. What does she think I’ve never been with a woman before?
Anyway, her love of friendship doesn’t prevent her from getting drunk and making out with strange guys, provided they are skinny and slightly gay looking. All of which brings to mind that useful line from The Outlaw Jose Wales: “don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s rainin”
This is why when somebody tries to talk to me about the importance of friendship, I tell them “Thanks, but I’m not interested, I already have two dogs at home and they make better friends than you will.”
See, a dog is a true judge of your character. They don’t care whether or not you look like you could be in the cast of Grey’s Anatomy. No doubt it would be nice to look like that. Then I suppose I could get smarmy girls to make out with me in bars. However, a dog is just not interested in how you look.
Dogs decide whether or not to hang with you based on how you act. If you treat a dog properly, he or she will give you complete and unaffected loyalty. Y’know, the kind that people claim to give you all the time. If you treat them poorly, they will do the same for you.
So don’t give me any crap about friendship and how great it is to be friends. On one hand, any single woman who speaks to me about the value of friendship is full of shit. On the other hand, I already have two friends that no woman could hope to match.
